1. Eliminate words that say nothing. You may use different words.
a. Employees who were just hired and are therefore defined as novice employees by the company should take steps to ensure that they attend a mandatory training session that is required of all novice employees.
b. Bloomberg Businessweek magazine printed in its pages a very, very good magazine article on how company executives who work at businesses are currently finding innovative and creative solutions to problems that they encounter with regularity on the job and in the workplace these days.
c. Employees who come to work on time and ready to work are generally viewed as more professional than employees who don’t come to work on time and are not ready to work. Employees who don’t come to work on time and are not ready to work are often seen as unprofessional, which means that they are less professional than other employees. Professional employees are more likely to be hired, valued, and promoted than unprofessional employees. Therefore, it’s better to be a professional employee rather than an unprofessional employee.
2. Use gerunds and infinitives to make these sentences shorter and smoother.
a. Customers who want participation in this month’s online promotion may find a review of our preregistration process helpful.
b. The production of better but cheaper goods often makes a company more competitive in the sales of merchandise in the marketplace.
c. Whitney said the receipt of company-paid medical insurance is a benefit that many parents today are in consideration of while engaged in the decision process of the acceptance of a job offer.
3. Combine sentences to show how ideas are related and to eliminate unnecessary words. a. Michael supervises the archives department. Michael also supervises the data processing department. As supervisor of both departments, Michael has responsibility for the company’s archiving and data processing services and oversees 14 employees.
b. Our employees want our customers to have a positive experience shopping in our store. Our employees are trained to provide good customer service. Our customers expect to have a positive experience shopping in our store. Because both our employees and our customers want the same thing, we have the highest customer satisfaction rating of any store in the company.
c. The communications department plans to stop printing the company newsletter and instead offer it on the intranet. The format for the newsletter will be the same, but instead of it being printed on paper, it will be available in electronic form. Employees may print a copy of the newsletter or simply read it online. By ceasing to print the newsletter on paper and instead offer it on the intranet, the communications department expects to save several thousand dollars each year.
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